Sex tips and dating advice

23 Jan

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a teacher, then a detective (like Columbo or Jessica Fletcher, ahem), and then a writer.Many moons later, and here I am teaching people who are tired of emotional unavailability, toxic relationships, and feeling 'not good enough', how to reduce their emotional baggage so that they can reclaim themselves and make space for better relationships and opportunities.Then, send him the audio file in the middle of the day, with just the text, ' Wanna hear me do this tonight? "If his wardrobe is constantly changing, watch out! "Keep your eye on a guy who loves to social network — he may need constant attention." If any of these things happen (or, you know, you have actual legitimate, non-Facebook related reasons to doubt his fidelity), you could sit him down for a serious talk.Or, just skip straight to dousing yourself in chocolate syrup. "Reach over and grab his knee while you're both sitting." Details really are key here, lest you confuse a simple knee-grab with "sweep the leg." The secret success of the move stems from the fact that, by reaching down, you are "bowing" slightly, to show you're "contrite." Also, the knee is "neutral territory." (Which is to say, it's unlike Palestine, the Falklands, or his penis.) 44.

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It’s sticky, wrecks the sheets, and, if done frequently, will give you Type II diabetes. Not being able to see means more spilling, which means more licking up the mess." This is proof positive that no one ever tries these things. “Dab some peppermint oil on your neck and between your breasts. Use "your electric toothbrush" or "your i Phone [when your vibrator is out of batteries]." To which I’ll just say, have you ever tried to lie to the Genius at the Apple Store who’s fixing your phone? If they hear any screams, they'll assume it's the movie." This will also create a relaxed ambiance. [On film selection] "Avoid anything that'll cause hearty belly laughs, like thinks-it-is maneuver, pick a more flattering metaphor. He really doesn't want to answer questions like, ' Are you okay? but your caress still sends the message that you're picking up his vibe." Translation: for those of you too shy for the stealth rub 'n tug, you can still just mutely paw his junk. That's how I'm going to devour you.'" Then, later, during oral sex, pause and say, “OM NOM NOM NOM.” 36. When he figures out where the buzzing is coming from, tell him he gets to experience its pleasure power." This makes me think of two really cute nerds who like to role-play.Here, it’s made more grotesque than usual by context: on the previous page, they advocate turning off the AC because a made-up-sounding chemical in your sweat boosts arousal. "Keep a spray bottle filled with ice water next to the bed, and give each other a strategic spritz to extend the encounter… "Use silicone-based lube to give each other pre-nooky rubdowns." Bonus: it’s water-resistant, so it’ll never come off! "Mix one tablespoon of saliva (the kind deep in your throat works best — its viscosity makes it a good substitute for lube) with one tablespoon of water to stretch the spit." They don't really explain if you're supposed to whisk it together in a bowl in the kitchen, or if you should just hock a loogie onto his pre-moistened junk, but I trust your judgment. Studies found that the smell of mint has a revitalizing effect. The smell of cinnamon buns increases men's blood flow 'down there.'" Good hard science from 's resident M. It's a guaranteed way to feel like a sexbot without having to whisper anything about coins. “Slip your hand into his back pocket and lightly stroke his ass… "When he's on his way home from work, start giving yourself some solo pleasure and 'accidentally' dial him up. One of them is a handsome space cowboy and the other is a rapey space robot who says “Now you will experience the pleasure power.” But that game’s not for everyone. "Give him a beer facial — the combination of the egg white and the yeast in the hops hydrates and improves skin elasticity… "If your guy is suddenly going around all happy and whistling, then you need to find out why." 39.Aim for the nerve-packed, thin-skinned areas on each other's body, such as the nipples." On an unrelated note, this is also a great way to train your cat not to pee on the rug. "Mix a few flavors [of lube] to create new combos, like strawberry-banana." The paucity of flavors of personal lubricants is the most pressing crisis facing America right now. Bonus: your boobs will smell extra fresh." This also works if your breasts have just eaten something garlicky. since it’s totally private and hidden from everyone else, it conveys that you’re feeling especially attracted to him.” Totally hidden. All those breathy ooohs and aaahs will be motivation for him to get to you in time to join in on the action.” This sounds like something that would happen in , only it wouldn't lead to steamy intercourse — it would lead to a You Tube video. "Record your voice on your cell the next time you have a solo session. but you can just tell him that your lips can't resist his delicious, beer-flavored face." In fact, say exactly that: "My lips can't resist your delicious beer-flavored face." Just so I can know that somewhere, someone actually said it. If your boyfriend is doing anything remotely different — often in a good way — he’s cheating. "Be especially careful if he is neat, well-groomed or spending more time at the gym." 40. It could be a sign that he'll trash your relationship too." 42."Grasp his hands and coax them into a prayer position, then position hands over his…Your words [will] become more persuasive to him, though he won't know why." Aside from the fact that it requires standing like a pair of coupling monks, the great thing about this suggestion is that it's utterly impossible to tell who it makes look dumber: you, or your now-bewildered mate. There you have it — forty-four tips that represent the screaming nadir of 's sex advice.